6 Signs You're in the Friend-Zone and 6 Ways to Get Out of It

Raise your hand if you have ever been friend-zoned.

Being in the friend-zone typically has a negative connotation attached to it, almost like it's a bad thing to be categorized in the "no" pile. Let's get something straight. Having someone only want to be your friend rather than pursuing romantic relations is nothing to be ashamed of or to get worked up about. It's something we have to learn to embrace. Not everyone is able to love you the way that you want them to. That's what the friend-zone was designed for. It's a way to let you know that your existence does matter, just not, you know, like that.

I know what the friend-zone feels like. I've camped there a few times myself. There is nothing more painful than caring for someone that doesn't seem to reciprocate what you feel. It's a dagger that just keeps twisting and twisting.

I know it hurts, but it's not going to kill you.

I'm not an all-knowing being, but I do know a thing or two about being placed into this particular zone as well as what's it's like to put someone there myself. I've assembled 6 signs that you've found yourself in a place that we know you don't want to be.

1. They give you a platonic term of endearment.

If you compliment them in a sweet and subtle way, but their response is, "Thanks, man." Then you have found yourself pitching a tent in their friend-zone. Nicknames are very easy to pick up on and if they start to refer to you as a sibling, then the chance of a romantic relationship is highly unlikely.

Other words to watch out for are: dude, buddy, pal, homie, bruh, or BFFL. 

2. You're saved into their contacts as "Best Friend *insert girl and guy holding hands emoji here*"

Every time you text them, they are constantly reminded that you are their best friend. If the kissy face emoji is beside "Best Friend," then you have nothing to worry about. As a matter of fact, that's the ultimate relationship. Who wouldn't want to date their best friend? But unless Ursher, Jon, and Luda wrote the soundtrack to your relationship, I don't think you two are "Lovers & Friends."

3. They mention that you should date so and so.

No one, and I mean no one, is going to play matchmaker for someone they care about. If they have feelings towards you even in the slightest, then the idea of you being with someone else would infuriate them. 

4. You have been trying to date them for months.

This one is a case by case basis. There will be exceptions to every rule, just like in He's Just Not That Into You, but most of the time if the feelings are mutual, it won't take you 8 months to know it. If it's been months and they haven't even remotely given you hope for a Facebook relationship change, then they're just not that into you.

5. They talk to you about their relationships.

Do I really need to elaborate on this? If they are talking to you about their date-gone-bad at Bdubs, then you are definitely categorized into a place that you do not want to be. They are comfortable with you and feel that it is okay to share their problems, sometimes not even knowing that you wish you were the date-gone-bad. They'll constantly seek your advice, use your shoulder to lean on because they know that you are there for them. 

6. You're never alone together.

Someone that has romantic feelings will be dying, not literally, to have one-on-one time with you. When you ask to hang out, they won't want to bring their dog, two cousins, neighbor, or the UPS Guy that delivers all the shit you buy online. Occasionally group outings can be fun, but if you don't have alone time together that feels like a true and honest date, then you are just a good friend.

But, let's face it, no one actually wants to be in the friend-zone.

If you find yourself groveling over their attention, begging for a sign from God, or struggling to understand why they didn't catch on to the good morning texts that you've sent them for the past 2 years, then let me give you a glimmer of hope. It is possible to escape the friend-zone.

If Clint Eastwood can make it out of Alcatraz, then I am certain that you can claw your way out of this place.

1. Ignore them.

Ignoring someone that you have put a lot of time and energy into giving attention to is like unplugging the television during the final seconds of the Super Bowl. You are going to get a reaction. They are going to wonder what changed, what happened, what they did. This separation gives them a chance to really contemplate how important you are to their life and how much they need you in it. They're not going to forget you if you ignore them for a few days, so don't even worry about that, but occasionally when someone realizes what they stand to lose, they discover feelings they didn't know they had.

2. Reinvent yourself.

I'm a firm believer that change is a good thing. Whether it be a hair cut, new clothes, a new go-with-the-flow attitude, or dropping a few of those extra-Christmas pounds we all love to gain, reinventing yourself can be a way for not only them to see you in a new light, but for you to see yourself in a new light. It feels good to be able to stare at your reflection in the mirror and like what you see. Just remember to change for yourself and not for the sake of someone else.

3. Admit your feelings.

I cannot stress this enough and I have been guilty of it myself, but you will never climb out of the friend-zone until you tell them how you feel. They deserve to know that you are interested in being more than just the person they run to when their life is in shams, that you want something more meaningful. Lay everything out like a picnic, set the table, and then walk away. Yes, I said it... Walk away. This goes back to point #1. Let them know that you care and then give them a few days to think on it. If they don't chase after you, then you have truly done all that you can to let them know exactly where you stand. At this point, you would need to decide if you are able to be strictly friends and nothing more. 

4. Flirt with them. 

You can do this before you admit your feelings, after you admit your feelings, or while you are admitting your feelings. It's your own preference, really. You have to physically show a romantic interest or else they may never catch onto the "how was your day?" texts that you send every evening. Smile at them, compliment the special feature that you know they hold in high regard. But if they say, "thanks, man." Then hit CTL, ALT, DEL and find someone else.

5. Lose the desperation.

Please stop complimenting them in every other breath. At this point, you wouldn't even have to admit your feelings, because believe me, they already know. Your actions need to speak for themselves. Feeding them with too much affection can be exhausting and give off a negative vibe. Calm down and stop sweating over it. Your desperation will set off so many red flags they'll think they're at a NASCAR race. 

6. Let them go.

As hard as it may be, sometimes you have to realize that you are wasting too much energy on the idea of someone. You can't control your feelings no more than you can control theirs, so it may be best to just end it. This is not the same as ignoring them. This is where you let go of the idea that they might one day change their mind because they're not going to. You need to make room in your life for someone else to come along and fill that void. Cut your losses and try to salvage your friendship, because in this day and age true and loyal friendship is hard to come across.

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